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Film Review: Mega Shark Vs Crocosaurus

Posted in Mega Shark Vs Crocosaurus with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 17, 2011 by Higher Plain Music

Oh The Asylum! Back with the “official sequel” as it says on the cover, Mega Shark Vs Crocosaurus continues to show film making at it budget best. Although I must admit, the laughs are predictable now we’ve got used to the formula, there’s still much to cringe and laugh at.

The Premise

Mega Shark, not quite dead from its encounter with Giant Octopus last time out returns to face off against Crocosauras, this time hungry to eat all the poor crocs eggs she’s been laying all over the place.

The Disasters Faced

A synchronised swimming Mega Shark, a heavy footed Crocosauras, a lot of awful CGI, a volcano, some wayward accents and a broken cigar! (Noooo!!!)

The Execution

Now we know The Asylum cater to the b-movie fan base and here its very much by the numbers. If anything it’s actually relatively competent and having being spoilt by the absolutely dire Dinocroc Vs Supergator, that makes this film look big budget! The films relatively well paced although I feel the shark is very much a one trick pony this time round and its the croc that causes more carnage and fun. Both creatures are underused however and the film rehashes a lot of the originals set pieces but with little or no improvement. The script contains corkers such as a “Will I be able to smoke my black dragon?” from an Admiral and the acting is typically cheesy and overblown. I could not get my head around that the lead was not Jeff Fahey! It was like Gary Stretch was a brother from another mother but with an accent that has a world tour in 89 minutes. The females in the film all overact to the point of high school stage drama. Still all being said, when a film is quite clearly setting out to master this type of feel, it all clicks together in a perfectly awkward mess. That’s why we love them.

The Effects

The planes, missiles and ships are well done and the sets aren’t bad either. The Shark looks identical to the original and Croc’s feet slip even when he’s standing still. They could have got some plastic toys in the frame and things wouldn’t have looked much worse in some instances. More laughable is the volcano scene which is effectively someone using a fire transition from Sony Vegas as a film climax.

Why It’s Worth Watching

A shot for every time someone says Crocman or Sharkman. A shot for every leery comment our lead male makes (he’s disgusting). Watch out for gay porn star Dylan Vox whose character is named Butowski! That’s the best name for an ex gay porn star in history surely?!  However hats off for not including any kind of dodgy romance in the middle of the film! It’s all about the monsters baby!

Favourite Death

Amazingly this film is death toll light. I’ll go for the man who gets splattered at the beginning as when we return we’re treated to his remains of half and arm and leg that was left behind.

Favourite Character

Can I have the Crocosaurus? My biggest complaint was the lack of nice characters in the film as a whole. Croccy was at least protective her eggs!

Weirdest Moment

This film is stupidly nuke happy – stupidly so. There’s also absolutely no prior explanation or reason to blow up a volcano with a nuke either. Let’s just burn Hawaii to dust then shall we?! Failing that, our leading lady Hutchinson can take the weirdest moment with her lack of smile as she desperately trying to play the hard nut special agent but sexy silent all at once but actually comes across wooden and constipated throughout, making the film much better as a result!

Conclusion

I think I prefer the original, but this is worthy sequel. Next time though Asylum, let’s take the animals inland as I think that’ll breath new life into the franchise.

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Film Review: Arctic Blast

Posted in Arctic Blast with tags , , , , , , , , , on September 4, 2011 by Higher Plain Music

Arctic Blast is a strange beast. Essentially an Australian led disaster movie, it appears that everyone is busy running away from a dry ice machine. Good fun all round then!

The Premise

We bugger up our o-zone layer to a point that then causes rifts to appear, sucking frozen air down to the planets surface and initiate a new ice age. Think Day After Tomorrow and you’re along the right track.

The Disasters Faced

“Ourselves” apparently as the lead shouts and bellows to anyone who listens, a dry ice machine gone mad, power cuts, the pronunciation of “data”  and people who can’t run fast enough getting a little chilly.

The Execution

Arctic Blast wastes no time in getting started with a cheesy opening death sequence that sets in motion a chain of events to keep you amused for 90 minutes or so. The script heavy hands the eco warrior theme of the day but the message is lost in between lots of computer screen watching and whirling sirens. Typical low-budget constraints ensure that most of the film takes place in various communication hubs and while the characters are all relatively likeable Arctic Blast is very workmanlike and by the book. Yes there’s laughable logic throughout and its grossly inconsistent in how the blast seems to operate but it’s not as pathetic as the Asylum films and certainly doesn’t qualify as a good movie either. It’s just there. The acting varies between stage school (the parents) and competent (most of the main cast) and sometimes there are slight pauses between lines as well which just feel robotic.

The Effects

Essentially you are watching dry ice attack the world and the CGI is dire. This makes the somewhat limited death sequences laugh out loud funny. What is sad is that the deaths aren’t shown on-screen and only really in one case does an off-screen death actually work.

Why It’s Worth Watching

Arctic Blast works best with shot glasses. One for every time someone says “data” (Darrrtarrrr actually but nevermind). One for every time you get confused before all the blonde females in the cast. There are three of them and in the beginning of the movie I was very confused as to who was who. Two of them don’t make it so that made it easier in the end! This film is very female blood thirsty as well which is unusual. Aside from that its just some comical effects and acting to spot.

Best Death

I’m torn, the girl Elizabeth frozen on the beach is hilarious but I prefer the eerie death of the waitress lady who decides not to leave her bar and sit down with a drink and peg it. The best bit is she pops on an opera and as it ices up the CD skips about before stopping. It’s the sole piece of really excellent imagery / film making in the entire movie that shines.

Favourite Character

Gotta love Zoe (Saskia Hempele), even in diabetic collapse, she’s still a trooper!

Weirdest Moment

The whole scientific thing reeks of a lack of substance but I’ll go with the way how some people die instantly before even being enveloped in the fog and yet others can fend off this death attack by popping on a coat and sitting on the sofa in front of a small fire. The opening death is also a “did that just happen?” moment!

Conclusion

Arctic Blast is unimaginative and poorly conceived and in the days where both the extremely good and extremely bad market are well catered for, this is for genre purists only. Yes its funny in places, yes there’s no logic to any of it but its been done better (Day After Tomorrow) and worse (Ice Age) elsewhere.

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Film Review: Epicenter

Posted in Epicenter with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on August 25, 2011 by Higher Plain Music

Epicenter is a strange beast – an action film taking place over the period of an earthquake. A complete variety of special effect levels, random sex scenes and borrowing footage from other films (gasp), Epicenter tries to fit in a lot in what’s a low-budget film but while it can’t pull it all off, it’s still quite entertaining.

The Premise

In a film where practically everyone is just on a different level of the baddie scale, a cop arrests and corrupt government weapons worker and then joins him on the run from the Russians – all during an Earthquake (double yay).

The Disasters Faced

Earthquakes, falling rubble, a lot of changing accents, dodgy wigs, aggressive smoking, anyone with a gun whom can’t shoot anyone standing in front of them and a dirty Russian lady who’ll ride anyone but not let them in.

The Execution

Epicenter is strange because it almost feels like a film pulling in two directions. From the outset we’re drawn into the first half of the film as angry widow takes revenge on a company by stealing its weapons data and selling it to the Russians only to have it backfire. Enter ex-porn star Traci Lords to play a cop and to be fair she doesn’t do an awful job – there’s worse acting in the film. Sadly everyone is out acted by Jeff Fahey who is b-movie king and the two children who play their parts extremely well! When it then switches to disaster movie at the fifty minute mark the cracks literally start to show and its at that point the film chases its tail leaving its main goons to become cannon fodder, the script to degenerate further into a shambolic mess and for our main leads to share a “touching” moment before they part ways at the end almost like a forbidden love, despite them being handcuffed together most of the movie. It’s a shame it descends into a by the numbers tv movie as until then it held my attention by being vaguely unique – like a low-budget earthquake version of Hard Rain.

The Effects

Now here is where the film really takes the biscuit. When I first watched the film some parts felt strangely familiar. There is a great action sequence involving a cable car which borrows from Metro. They basically have matched the actors to the original film and inserted clips where the faces are less noticeable into this film! It’s absolutely amazing that they were able to do this. Not just once but then suddenly a train derailment is taken directly from Money Train and then a lift collapse is taken from Speed. As the lift drops you see the explosion hole from the original film with no explanation as to why it’s there. It’s just shoddy and actually slightly jarring in the latter one of the three as you can tell the footage is shot differently. When it comes to the films actual effects there’s just the usual terrible CGI explosions that appear more white than orange and lack smoke and polystyrene blocks of rubble. This makes the good and the bad stand even further apart as strange.

Why It’s Worth Watching

Aside from playing stop the films stock footage from other films game, you can also play a drinking game whenever the lead male Gary Daniel’s accent changes from English to New Zealandy / Australiany / Confusedy and another drinking game when you see random boobs. In fact there’s a whole secret sex game going on with all the characters names too. Ivan and Tanya Semen(ov), Agent Willie, Michael Rogers, Steve Strain.. it’s just wrong. The porn star actors needed to leave their porn names at home! At least it held my attention throughout however despite some poor logic.

Favourite Character

There isn’t really a standout character so I’m going to go for the absolutely nutty hairstyle henchmen in the restaurant shoot out as some of them look like they’ve walked out of a Russian death-metal band and others belong to Abba – and none of them can shoot to save their lives (and as a result all of them pretty much die).

Best Death

I want to say death by lamp-post but sadly it doesn’t look as good as it sounds so I’ll go with Ivan Semenov’s death after the end of the cable car sequence – to survive all that and then get killed by something unrelated is just funny.

Weirdest Moment

Well, perhaps the most uncomfortable and unsexy fully nude sex scene in a disaster movie ever. Little Miss Robotic doesn’t even describe it…

Conclusion

Epicenter isn’t an awful way to spend 100 minutes of your life. There are worse disaster movies out there and it kept me going all the way to the end happily enough but it’s so unbalanced by borrowing from other films to up the effects ante to stand on its own merits. Due to this Epicenter ranks below the hilarious but above the absolutely mediocre films because as a drinking game, you can have a few laughs from it.

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“The Final Storm” Trailer

Posted in The Final Storm with tags , , , , , , on July 29, 2011 by Higher Plain Music

The underplayed coming of days film The Final Storm’s trailer is now on our YouTube channel – sadly giving away most of the films best parts in one fell swoop!

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“Poseidon” Trailer

Posted in Poseidon with tags , , , , , on July 29, 2011 by Higher Plain Music

Trailer to the remake Poseidon which I feel is unfairly ripped to shreads at every opportunity!

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Film Review: Battle: Los Angeles

Posted in Battle: Los Angeles with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 13, 2011 by Higher Plain Music

Aliens – when will they ever learn. Don’t go and place your central communications hub on Earth. In fact, just don’t have a central communications hub at all. It’s your downfall, it has in all movies and so is the case here in Battle: Los Angeles, an almost documentary style film on a war against aliens that’s full of a lot of action and not a lot else. It’s the perfect popcorn flick.

The Premise

Aliens are the order of the day as they come full force to take our water supply and eliminate us in the process.

The Disasters Faced

Guns, bombs, buses, knowing if you’re around Michelle Rodriguez that you’re probably next in the firing line to die or she is and one huge ass mothership!

The Execution

Taken from the recent fandom of going for realism and shaky camerawork, Battle: Los Angeles throws you right in the heat of the action. After we’re introduced to several characters who all seem friendly and human but have some conflicts between them, we’re thrown right into the action and it doesn’t stop until the credits role. Although its an end of the world film, its a war movie first and a disaster movie second. The generally cheesy but not completely overbaked commandery is rousing, the script is passable and the films pacing is well done. The camerawork sits nicely between shaky action and fixed position filmic shots and it doesn’t induce sickness that some people criticised Cloverfield over. Everything is dusty and gritty and although blood is kept to a minimum, the sweat and reactions on-screen are highly detailed and visible. If I were to pick holes, its at times hard to work out whose who as we start to lose characters thick and fast and suddenly someone who I thought had died was back on the screen again. Some of the characters blur a little into one but on second viewing I could distinguish characters easier. I also enjoyed that whole movie took place over a very short period of Earth time as it kept everything tight and compact and the film focused on giving hi-octane thrills and spills. Look elsewhere for character development.

The Effects

The aliens themselves are somewhat mute in their appearance and actions and strangely have muted presence in the film. It’s their ships and infantary that look spectacular, as does the general colour palette and decimation of sets. The bus set piece and police station sections are particularly well done but the whole film oozes effects from every nook and cranny. It really helps keep the pulse going and I can imagine it being a fantastic cinema experience.

Why It’s Worth Watching

For pure adrenaline pumping action, this has all your bases covered. It’s also a shock to see Michelle Rodriguez actually survive a film. I had her a sure pegged late in the day death. It’s also full of likeable characters. Usually you have some awful controlling characters but even the conflicting ones have their reasons and are painted grey instead of pure black. Obviously the effects are top-notch too. I just had a riot guessing who was next to drop and what situations they’d end up in next!

Best Death

There’s so many! I’m spoilt for choice but the sacrifice of Ramon Rodriguez complete with huge explosion of himself, a bus and a collection of aliens possibly wins the round!

Favourite Character

Perhaps tellingly, its hard to choose a favourite character as they all bleed into each other so I’m going to go for Bryce Cass who plays the boy Hector very well and despite having few lines, is an adorable kid who you desperately want to see safe at home.

Weirdest Moment

Having been on the ball to get all the way to the final battle, one of the squad decides to not bother to escape a spacecrafts missile and just stand there. It’s the typical “oh crap, I’m done for” pose, but with the amount of time it takes to sort itself out, there was plenty of time to jump and save himself. Aside from that, it’s another film where the world is incapable of winning until the good old American’s win the day and spread the word. Also, I’m sure one of the children they find disappears and reappears at random intervals.

Conclusion

Doing exactly what is says on the tin, this is all explosions, battles and warfare – almost computer game like. Some will love it, others will hate it’s on rails approach to rapid fire combat. I really soaked it up. Can’t tell you hardly any of the characters names, can’t tell you what really happened along the way but with nods to several movies before it (Aliens, Independence Day) it’s a real adrenaline junkies dream.

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Film Review: Raise the Titanic

Posted in Raise the Titanic with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 5, 2011 by Higher Plain Music

Whilst not technically a real disaster movie, “Raise the Titanic” falls into a strange category of film. It’s an action, adventure, drama based on a real disaster but without really dealing with any of the above. In what is a very confused film, there is little enjoyment to be had. Full steam ahead with the review then!

The Premise

In the name of America (hallelujah!) a new mineral is discovered that could revolutionize defense systems and it can only be found in one place in the entire world – the sunken Titanic. That’s going to be one hell of a rucksack to carry that over your shoulder. It’s time to raise the beast!

The Disasters Faced

Drownings, implosions, a lot of murky camera work and generally being anywhere near any of the leading characters as they’re all as likeable as athletes foot.

The Execution

Based from a Novel that I’ve never read, Raise the Titanic had a whopping $36 million budget. That’s three times the size of The Towering Inferno. The question I ask is where did it all go? In film of two distinct halves, the first is devoted to setting up several characters who will form part of the group to Raise the poor boat from the water. Interestingly Anne Archer and Alec Guiness are not in that team and simply feature for a couple of scenes. Why they are splattered all over the cover arts I’ve no idea. However, what all the characters also have in common is that none of them are likable in the slightest. The script and actors are overwrought with angst dialogue as everyone tries to show they’ve got bigger balls than the rest to the point where it becomes aggravating. A love triangles introduced only to be dropped unresolved half way. Everyone suddenly decides to work together bang on the half way mark. It’s like the directors had a tick sheet of what they felt needed to be shoved into a movie and then crammed it all in without rhyme or reason.

However while so much emphasis is given to all these unlikable characters, very little is given to the real star of the show itself – the Titanic. The best and most coherent moments in the film are about the ship itself and even though it’s factually incorrect, the model itself is impressive – but never exploited. It’s all about the mineral and that’s where the film goes so very wrong for me. If everyone disregards the huge scale of that event if it were to ever happen as they do in the movie, it makes everyone seem like tasteless jerks. As a result I couldn’t care for the plot, the characters or the conclusion.

The Effects

The model used for the Titanic was the biggest model used ever at that time and it looks good even if time hasn’t been massively kind to the effects. Where I assume the budget went was in the underwater photography which is eerie and beautiful at the same time. Some of it is very murky but then that’s what I’d expect. The submersible scenes are well executed too.

Why Its Worth Watching

The story is awful, the characters dull but the set piece of the raising itself is well done. Any Titanic interest can be found in the inaccuracies – some quite large. I was most interested in the film from this historical angle. As a film on its own merit, it doesn’t really do anything wrong – it’s just a jack of all trades and a master of none.

Best Death

No named characters die so the best death sequence is when a leaking sub implodes on itself. Rather nasty stuff!

Favourite Character

The Titanic itself. None of the humans are worthy of the vote. They are all that bad!

Weirdest Moment

The Titanic pops out of the Ocean with three masts and not one that it went down with.

Conclusion

I was left frustrated at what could have been. Raise the Titanic appeared to miss the whole point of the film. Aside from the beginning montage of pictures and the actual docking scenes themselves, its like they could have raised a rubber dingy out the water and had the same reaction. Add in characters from hell and a general dullness across the board and Raise the Titanic is hard to recommend.

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Film Review: Meteor Storm

Posted in Meteor Storm with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 24, 2011 by Higher Plain Music

From the director of Megasnake and Spiders 3D… ok we know what we’re letting ourselves in for then! Actually, for once I was pleasantly surprised – Meteor Storm has plenty of faults but it has its heart in the right place and is actually quite enjoyable indeed!

The Premise

A big meteor shower that’s meant to just be pretty turns nasty when the meteors containing a new element yet to be discovered fall from the sky. With each passing storm, things deteriorate. Yay!

The Disasters Faced

Meteors, comets, falling buildings, falling bridges, falling everything, a news crew that MUST GET THAT SHOT and bad mobile reception.

The Execution

Despite (in spite?) the directors legendary credentials Meteor Storm is a very tightly wound movie. The opening segment see’s an opening mini storm which sets up everything and introduces us to a collection of people. Of course we have the all new ideal family – separated parents who we know will be back together by the end, stupid children who do things like run off on their own and use lifts in a burning building (oh dear) and a news duo who will do anything to get a story. All the characters are heavily clichéd but in an endearing way. The leading duo do a remarkably good job of having internal dramas without everything becoming soap opera and the films much better for this.  No one is grating aside from the new reporter and you know he’ll get his comeuppance at some point. The film basically follows a storm – aftermath – science bit – revelation wheel several times before the finale. This ensures things aren’t stale and the science parts are kept down to small bite size chunks. The plot itself is silly and there’s some real problems with general character IQ levels – the children especially – but it’s all harmless fun.

The Effects

The meteor sections are fun to watch because some of the CGI is awful – especially the orange explosions. What’s worse is the green screen effects where you can see how things have not been blended well and things look really 2D. In fact the green screen is some of the ropiest I’ve seen in a while. Where things do pick up are in the bigger set pieces. The collapse of the Golden Gate is done well and so is the collapse of the huge tower block.

Why It’s Worth Watching

Meteor Storm has a decent amount of action. There’s two good set pieces, a fair amount of destruction for a low-budget flick and good tension throughout. The acting is above average for this type of film and that does a lot to make it so much more credible. There’s an abnormal amount of eye candy as well for men and women. There’s also a glint of enjoyment as you watch people doing things that defy all logic whatsoever and also spotting the massive continuity problems such as people being surrounded in traffic as they try to get out the city while the lead male chats happily next to a quiet street where cars roam freely. Other things include the Golden Gate bridge only being open one way despite a city evacuation (with traffic flowing into the city), man of motorcycles get saluted by armed guards for no reason and helicopter pilots sit stunned watching their ‘copters explode while civilians rush to help.

Best Death

Two main characters die. I’ll go for poor Laura who goes in the big Golden Gate Bridge disaster. After crashing her car, instead of climbing out the window she decides to just shout and scream for five minutes before remembering there’s a window or boot to crawl out of and promptly and deservedly splashes into the river down below. A shame though, all she ever did was help the entire time – confirming the never be too nice theory in disaster movies – you will be bumped off!

Favourite Character

This is a real close one. Camera lady Lena (Lara Golchrist) wins as she is great with her one liners throughout as the comic relief. She hits the dry humour well and manages to get away with lines that shouldn’t really work in a script. However just behind Harper (Carmen Moore) who is severely underused in this film. In every scene she’s in she’s eating, looking disinterested in all that’s going on and like she just wants to be left alone with her pizza! Great.

Weirdest Moment

At the first meteor wave poor Jack is hit by a Meteor (I assume – it’s never explained). He then spends the entire film unable to get medical attention! For some reason the children take the entire night and morning to walk vaguely about down populated streets with flowing traffic stating they can’t get to the hospital. When they eventually get there, they give up because there’s a road block. Eventually instead of getting medical treatment Jack then wanders home and takes some pain killers and falls asleep and is left in a crumbling building. This then means our brave children, too lazy to take the stairs up 26 levels to get to him and rescue him decide to use the lift in a burning, crumbling building. Go figure. They then get stuck and cause the rest of the cast to turn up! The whole set up is one of the worst constructed plot devices I’ve ever come across and is utterly hilarious because of it.

Conclusion

Meteor Storm is elevated from utter tosh by its credible acting, tightly paced flow and some characters whose decisions are so stupid you have to watch to see what situations their ineptness takes them next. Coming in at a tight hour and a half, its fun, mindless and cheesy but instead of outwardly going for that edge like say Megasnake, this disaster movie straddles seriousness with silly and gets the tone spot on for its budget. Much better than your average TV disaster flick.

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Film Review: Unstoppable

Posted in Unstoppable with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 19, 2011 by Higher Plain Music

He absolutely will not stop until you are dead! Oh no, wrong film! This’ll be the one about the train that rolls away and someone forgot to leave the parking brake on then! Entertaining despite few thrills and spills, Unstoppable is a fairly decent disaster/action flick.

The Premise

A massive train with chemical explosives as cargo is left running unmanned at full pelt down a rail track where if it doesn’t take out other trains or towns before hand, it will certainly meet its doom in populated Stanton where a tight curve will ensure it will derail… unless someone stops it!

The Disasters Faced

A speeding train, a horse cart, a dithering higher management type, a lot of braking and a overjelous male lead who apparently wants to shoot his best friend?

The Execution

“Unstoppable” is the kind of film that want’s so desperately to scratch its own testicles with one hand while downing a can of beer in the other while it tells some one else to get lost. It’s that kind of male aggression that smears over the two male lead characters, the train itself, the camera work and the never-ending reaction shots to everything that’s going on. If you’ve come here for a story, it’s condensed into very, very small chunks and a lot of the back story doesn’t make sense, nor does it endear you to Chris Pine’s character at all. In fact, I can’t think of a more unlikable “hero”. Still, the runaway train has run away within ten minutes however what director Tony Scott manages to do is to stretch out just a few set pieces of action by spending a long time anticipating the build up to them. The only problem I had as a viewer was after lots of tension cranking, the set pieces themselves were actually relatively calm and collected. Maybe it’s because it’s the balls-to-the-wall production that alines it with the likes of Die Hard, I’d have imagined more to happen than actually does.

The Effects

The train itself looks good although you can’t help but notice how it seems to speed up and slow down between shots. Aside from that, the effects, explosions and stunts are very well done, intercut and showcased. I just wished there were more set pieces!

Why It’s Worth Watching

The way the film plays out reminds me of Cassandra Crossing, where we keep referring back to the curve (or bridge in that films case) that we know is going to spell disaster when the train arrives. As the film progresses you can sense its character overshadowing the films events. We also have good acting from Chris Pine, Denzil Washington and Rosario Dawson as are leading trio dealing with problems, even if sometimes their characters aren’t very likeable. For the error spotting buffs in movies, there are an absolute truck load to spot here too from continuity to the train numbers being mirrored the wrong way. All good fun!

Best Death

Complete with train derailment and massive explosion, how could you not win with that Judd! Whilst not dying, there is a particularly painful looking stunt where a man tries to jump on top the train and there’s a sickening thud.

Favourite Character

Connie is fun and Ned is a great if random cast addition but Denzel Washington’s Frank wins as my favourite because despite being choppy at the beginning, you quickly find out why and understand exactly where’s he’s coming from.

Weirdest Moment

I have to say, Chris Pine’s back story just makes his character go from neutral to unlikable in one fell swoop. Quite why his girlfriend then comes running to his aid at the end is beyond me. Plus the poor woman, her entire word count during the entire film is “Come on” followed by the occasional gasp.

Conclusion

Mindless, testosterone filled action disaster movie where sadly despite all the slick camera work, the actual set pieces themselves are a bit of a damp squib. It still kept me entertained but I did not feel fully emerged in the film at any point. Best with a beer, a curry and a good warm up to a bigger action flick after. I needed some Bruce Willis after.

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Film Review: Poseidon

Posted in Poseidon with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 14, 2011 by Higher Plain Music

Sometimes movies get an awful lot of flak for not being the exact vision that may people expected them to be. Poseidon I believe is one of those films. It’s not without its faults admittedly but it is a full on action packed disaster movie that simply does not let up and is simply one of my all time favourite popcorn flicks.

The Premise

New Years Eve sees a rogue wave capsize the Poseidon and trapped survivors try to escape the wreckage before she sinks into the abyss.

The Disasters Faced

A rogue wave, a falling elevator, lots and lots of water, a wire, a ship that’s busy blowing itself to bits and Fergie trying to look beautiful whilst crying and failing miserably.

The Execution

Poseidon is upside down on the fifteenth minute of the film – and that includes a two and half-minute credits sequence. We’re (too) quickly introduced to several characters whom all have a mini drama of sorts going on although we won’t really be looking for character development over the course of the film and for what there is, its squashed into bite sized pieces. What Poseidon does best is set pieces. The capsizing itself is fantastically produced but even then other set pieces such as the elevator climb, the underwater swim and the wall of water moments are impressive. What’s more is that because the film spent its money not so much on CGI, but on building real sets to throw into real water, the actors aren’t so much acting but reacting to what’s going on around them. The way how the action is cut gives it a more realistic edge as you see characters jump at explosions, stumble about and genuinely panic when they’re looking like drowning. It’s this editing and attention to catching small little acting nuances that makes Poseidon so absorbing for me. Are the characters chatting about their lives through the movie? No. That’s because they’re busy working on the next problem. It reminds me of adult Goonies – straight from one problem to the next. It’s relentless assault is what drives the film through.

The Effects

The opening credits was at the time, the longest continuous CGI effect produced. Sadly you can also tell its CGI even though it is impressive. Everything’s a bit too clean. Aside from that however the effects are absolutely stunning. The capsizing has people flying everywhere, as does the flooding of the ball room which is impressive as its full of real water and stunt actors. In fact, the actors all appear to do their own stunts too – swimming, jumping, running around fire and being swept away. The sets were all made to tilt and be submerged into water and that’s what makes the film so impressive as it can show everything going on realistically because it was done for real to begin with!

Why it’s Worth Watching

Aside from the effects and stunts, its fun to predict the ways people will be bumped off. I think people who will come in the preconception that they will want an experience similar to the original will be bitterly disappointed however. You need to almost rinse the original from your mind. Mia Maestro tugs at the heart-strings but not in the same way Shirley Winters will, the blossoming romance Maggie and Dylan is sweet but modernised and not as pristine as Nonnie and Mister Martin. There is no camp element to the remake and the heart, while its there in the background, has been torn out and stamped on. This is a mean film and therefore will not satisfy anyone waiting for a Linda Rogo put down!

Best Death

All the characters die in a particularly good way however most impressive is Lucky Larry as you know its coming and its so silly its great. Second goes to Kurt Russell for the eerily underplayed and unscored drowning scene which is acted fantastically as is scrambles and panics for dear life.

Favourite Character

While no one except Lucky Larry was annoying, Mia Maestro was my favourite character as she played her character with a lot of heart and gusto. We knew she wouldn’t last!

Weirdest Moment

I did enjoy how Christian’s leg heals like a miracle charm. Aside from that, Mia Maestro’s death I thought was a bit obscure. I actually had to rewind the DVD when I got it and sit and watch it a few times over to get the full picture of it. When I saw the film in the cinema (best way) I went “huh?” to myself. Maybe it was just me. Failing that, we can always go for Kurt Russell’s face underwater. Top marks for refusing the Botox beforehand, we salute you!

Conclusion

I’d love to see the original cut which was about twenty minutes longer where we got to know the characters more. This appears to have been the main criticism of the film to date. Wolfgang left after this film when they chopped all the character driven bits out so obviously it was critical to him. As it stands however, Poseidon is a maddening masterpiece of technical wizardry and actors literally being dragged through hell and back and for that, it’s worth every popcorn munching minute of tv time. Superb!

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